31 weeks

Today marks officially 31 weeks pregnant with two cute fraternal baby boys.  I have an ultrasound next week but at my 28 week ultrasound each baby was 3 lbs 2 oz.  *As a side note, at this week William and Ryan were 3 lbs and 3 lbs 4 oz. So these babies are right on track to being a good size like their brothers.  They are both as healthy as can be and in a head down position.  Like Jacob stated it yesterday; everything that could be going right with this pregnancy, is.  I'm feeling pretty good. Large and tired?  Yes, but I want to say that I'm doing better than last time. My sweet mother and sister have been coming each weekend to help clean and take care of the boys since I've been on my modified movement period.  I will say I haven't been as strict on this; I've gone to a couple of stores to grab a thing for two, but for the most part I'm trying to follow doctor's orders.  I've been feeling a lot of tightening in my stomach which has scared me that I'll go into labor before these boys are ready to come.  But when I asked my doctor he said, you're body will do what it's done in the past.  Lucky for me we know how my body handles twins; and he is fairly sure that my body will keep them in as long as it can.  I asked him when he thought he'd induce me; April 2nd.  That's the date we are now focusing on.  I hope we get there.

And just for my own references:  Here is the comparison of me at 31 weeks with William and Ryan and me now.  I have had this picture in my mind, thinking of how fat my face looks.  I've been quite proud of having my face not looking that full yet, but of course one morning a week or two ago I woke up and realized the baby fat was seeping in.  But I am happy now looking at these two to see that it's not THAT bad.

And just for those people who wonder how much bigger I can get, because I do hope these babies will double in size, here's how big I was right before delivering.

Wisdom from Someone Who Knows

Today's biggest prompting I followed was calling my Grandma Balls.  My sister texted and reminded me that it had been 4 years since my Grandpa's passing, and said I should call or write to Grandma.  I adore my grandmother.  If I can be like anyone, it would be Eleanor Morrell Balls. I wanted to call her, but didn't want to bother her; I'm so glad I finally listened and called.  If anyone knows what I'm going through, it's grandma.  She had her 4 boys in 2 1/2 years, and knows how to take life in great stride and laughter.  I always love to talk to her and hear her perspective and memories of raising her boys.  But the best part today was when she kept making me feel like a celebrity for calling her.  She told my sister that she had the best day because I called; she was so excited to hear my voice and know I was doing well.  And the best part, I'm sure I'm not the only one she would say this to.  She's just that amazing that she makes everyone feel important and needed.  Once again, I hope to be just like her.  Today's theme for our conversation turned a lot to knowing that this stage in my life is hard, but as she looks back she doesn't remember the hard times as much as watching her boys grow and learn and the joys that come from that.  Such a good reminder and attitude to have.  Especially because this morning I felt great, I actually thought to myself: I don't feel that pregnant at all.  As I got the kids breakfast, little boy's diaper and clothes changed, dishes done, laundry started, I felt great.  Then I felt it.  My back started hurting and typically when I don't feel physically well, my emotional wellness also goes. I'm not as patient and loving to my children, but luckily this talk with grandma came and helped boost my day.  Though I guess the remainder of the day I just rested, but grandma also reminded me how important it was to listen to your body and rest when it needs to.  Such a great talk, such a great woman.

My favorite moments of the boys?
William and Ryan following each other around the house, the first carrying a toy and the other crying because he wanted it.  The next moment they'd come into the room in the reverse order but same scenario.  I know I should have stepped in and helped, but it was just so cute.
Steven brought home a book for him to "read" with me from preschool.  He surprised me and did quite well.  I also love when he asks to snuggle with me while watching a movie.
Christopher holding my phone and singing along to "The Goofy Movie".  His favorite being, Nobody Else but You.  He asks for it and then makes sure everyone in the house knows when it comes on.

Continue Moving Forward

I've wanted to write more in this blog.  Ever since, we found out we were having another set of twins, I saw myself writing more here; giving the ups and downs through it all.  But first I needed to finish my class, which I got a B+ for my final grade! Prayers are answered everyone.  Then I realized that I'm still tired at the end of the day.  (A while back Jacob was reading through my recent journal entries and asked if my life was as depressing as it sounds.  I realized when I write in my journal at night, I'm tired and usually don't remember all the cute wonderful moments motherhood had to offer me that day.)  So here is my attempt to rekindle my love of motherhood, I want to write about the ups and downs of my days so I can look back and remember just how funny it is, not just that I survived it.

Tonight Jacob has a meeting and I'll be honest I was excited for the time alone in the quiet.  As I was about to put on a show to clean up to, the thought came that I should turn on a conference talk instead.  I haven't done this in a long time, but my mind wandered back to this summer when I frequently cleaned up while listening to the words of the prophets.  It made me remember the night I received revelation to put our family's lives more in the hands of the Lord.  I realized in all of my days recently of just trying to survive, I was forgetting to thrive in this wonderful life.  Something that I know I can do, with His help.

I remember the night actually quite well, I was listening to President Uchtdorf's talk he gave to the Young Women in April of 2013 call, "Your Wonderful Journey Home."  I had just finished cleaning the kitchen and was moving on to the mudroom to fold laundry.  He was telling this remarkable story of how his family escaped East Germany during the war, and I was completely enthralled.  I suppose you should know that a few months before this, Jacob and I had been discussing whether to add to our family or not.  We like having our children close in age and it was starting to get to the point where would need to decide if that's what we wanted.  But we didn't know if that's really what we wanted.  We were fine with just having our four cute boys, we love them dearly and well they were keeping us busy.  BUT we also wanted to know what was best for our family, what Heavenly Father wanted for us.  If we were going to have 1 or 2 more we would want them closer rather than 5 years later, but once again we were okay with just our family of 6.  So fast forward past many prayers and thoughts and asking what was right, I was sitting folding laundry and listening to President Uchtdorf talking about our journey through this life and how it's different for everyone.  And it came to me.  Quietly, but profoundly.  "Put your future in My hands, everything will be okay." My answer had come; I talked to Jacob that night, he was shocked and a little scared, but we agreed to pray, fast, and attend the temple to secure my feelings/thoughts.

I know people probably think we're crazy, and we are, don't get me wrong.  When we found out we were pregnant again, I was shocked.  I really didn't expect it to happen so soon IF it happened at all.  But I also happened to know that God was in charge, He would not let us fail or give us something that was going to ruin our cute family.  I was at peace with it.  Then we found out we were having twins again.  Two glorious, healthy babies.  When I think of this time in my life, I know it was only 7 months ago but it seems longer, I wish I could say I was always optimistic and faithful, but I wasn't. There were tears shed and a blessing given.  But I also think of the song, I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go, we sang at church shortly after we found out.  "It may not be on the mountain top, or over the stormy sea, it may not be on the battle front my Lord will have need of me.  But if, by a still, small voice he calls to paths that I do not know, I'll answer dear Lord, with my hand in thine: I'll go where you want me to go."

Now we are at the end of the pregnancy journey and I was sad to realize how much I've retreated inward instead of upward.  I know from experience that I need my Father's help now more than ever. It's almost as if I've been standing still Spiritually, instead of moving forward with a renewed faith that everything will work out for best.  But luckily I've learned that I can start fresh, starting tonight.  Tonight is a new night and tomorrow is a new day where I can pray more fervently, invite Him into my life more fully, love my children more dearly, and continue moving forward through this journey that is my life.

Christopher is 3!

Christopher just had his third birthday, and I'll be honest I kind of always thought he was three before.  This kid is smart.  He will talk to you just as well as Steven, and he keeps us laughing with what he says constantly.  Everyone loves Christopher, he really just has the personalty that draws people to him.  What can I say other than he is just plain adorable.  This was his golden birthday, turning 3 on the 3rd, and I've been stressing about how to make it special, especially since I'm not suppose to leave the house much.  It turned into celebrating his birthday over 3 days.  He went to Cabella's with my parents on Saturday and got to pick out his present. a bear.  He LOVED it.  My mom said it was so fun to see the world through his eyes.  He kept commenting on everything loudly, have I mentioned this boy talks loud all the time?  But bystanders didn't seem to care, I told you people just love him.  My dad lost track of them for a moment and just stood still and listened and sure enough within a minute he heard Christopher talking and was able to find them on the next level.  Sunday we had cake and ice cream with the Morrise side and got to open his gifts from Grandma and Grandpa Morrise, a batman figuring, and an art kit.  He loves both of those and he HAD to have a batman cake.  Then Monday, his real birthday, he got more presents when he woke up: a new bike, a cape, and a spiderman backpack.  He got to play at his cousin's house (Luke and Winnie, though they were both at school) while I had a doctor's appointment, and then out to lunch with daddy, and of course naptime.  For dinner we asked if he wanted to go somewhere to eat and he chose to stay home and have Christmas pancakes (pancakes cut out with Christmas cookie cutters).  I was more than willing to oblige.  Over all I think he had a pretty good birthday.  Jacob overheard this conversation that night after he put them to bed.  Steven: Tomorrow's not your birthday anymore Christopher! (he's been less than pleased with all the attention Christopher has been getting.)  Christopher:  Well it's not your birthday either!

A glimpse into Christmas

We had party's with both the Balls side and the Morrise side, though I didn't take any pictures of the Morrise side. It was a different Christmas Eve for us this year, both Jacob and I are used to big families and lots of food, but this year it was just our small family for dinner and then Jacob's brother, Andy, came to spend the night with us and enjoy the boys when they woke up. (There was mario cart played which is bit of tradition for the Morrise side before bed.)  Christmas was spent opening presents and then going for brunch to Matt and Jo's house in Springville.  Then more resting and playing with our new gifts. We of course talked with my family in Idaho and also got to facetime Marshall and Susan in Korea a few times during the festivities.

You might not know...

William and Ryan fold their arms during the prayer, it's the cutest thing.  Often I'll just come put their plate on the table and they'll start folding their arms.  It melts my heart.

I'm 23 1/2 weeks along now.  I'm big, I might not look that big in the picture but I feel like it. I've started to waddle around, have back and leg pains when I sit on the floor or hard chairs for long periods of time, and the growing pains are coming.  It's really not that bad, just some days are worse than others.  I really thought it wouldn't be bad this time around because my body has already stretched this way.  BUT I guess my body has been through a lot the last couple of years, so it can scream at me if it wants.

Steven calls Christopher, Chris.  I have no clue why, because we've only ever called him Christopher.  It's cute though.

Jacob works his tail off at work and doesn't come home most days until bedtime or later.  We are all excited for his few days off for Christmas.  The boys have been counting down until "daddy doesn't have to go to work and can stay home with us forever!"

Ryan will snuggle with me more and when I tell him how handsome he is and how much I love him, he leans back and blows me a kiss.  Melts my heart.  He also loves to joke around and if his older brothers leave the gate open, he's down those stairs in seconds.

With Jacob working late I've discovered some very useful information.  I can clean up BEFORE the boys go to bed.  I bribe the older two with an extra book reading if they can help me pick up before so many songs are finished.  And William and Ryan love when I vacuum, everyone wins.  Genius.

When Jacob does come home before the boys go to bed there is a lot of wrestling.  Normally William and Ryan have sat back and watched, but now they want part of the action.  They love it!

Steven's new favorite thing is to draw and color; he's getting really good at both.  It's cute and we are going through sheets of paper, totally worth it.

William has been more attached to me, which I love and hate, but it's cute.  He and Ryan are discovering the elfy treats that come every morning. They go to the stocking and feel if there's anything in it.  Ryan actually sticks his hand in it to get some, tricky tricky.  They're favorite toys as of late are spoons, whisks, spatulas, really thing in our silverware drawer.  All the dangerous stuff has now been relocated.

Christopher has really started to play with William and Ryan, I love it.  Although it's hard for him to know when they are having fun and laughing and when he crosses the line to hurting them.  I'm guessing that will always be a problem.

My iphone broke.  It's funny how much control I felt I lost the two days I didn't have a phone.  We bought a cheap android phone at Walmart for $50.  It's not nearly as nice, my pictures are worse quality, and we actually bought an ipad so we could still facetime Jacob's parents, but it's all still a lot cheaper than it would have been to buy me new iphone so we'll all survive. And the best part is that my pictures that I took on my phone were synced with blogger and BAM my pictures are automatically here.  Amazing.

Jacob just ordered a jump seat from a Ford vehicle off of Ebay that he will hopefully bolt between the captain chairs in our existing van, so we don't have to get a new van.  And only for $200.  My husband is awesome, if it works.  If not, he's still awesome.

Tonight for dinner we had Christmas pancakes each boy averaged about 5 pancakes each.  I made these pancakes and tripled the recipe thinking there would be plenty left over to freeze and give them for breakfasts later on. There's only 2 left.  And Jacob didn't have any. Wowza.  Oh and after we cooked them we cut out Christmas shapes with our cookie cutters, the boys had a blast.  According to Steven, ginger bread men aren't for Christmas, just FYI.

I found a new way to deal with winy screaming kids who 30 minutes after waking up show me they need a nap.  I vacuum.  They get distracted because they have to run around and scream once the vacuum's on, it's a rule apparently, but when that wears off and they find something else to cry about the noise of the vacuum drowns them out.  I'm pretty sure that's how I survived today, and now my house is all clean.  Win win if you ask me.

A Taste of My Own Medicine

Jacob and I often think ahead to times in our boy's lives and try to think of problems they'll encounter or how to help them best in their lives.  One of these scenarios is to always try their best, especially in school.  We talk of not caring whether they get A's or C's as long as they are trying their hardest.  Jacob and I were always very obsessed with our grades especially in college, some would say to the point of OCD, but I beg to differ.  And although it worked out for us, we don't necessarily want our kids to be stressed to the point that we were.  We just want them to do their best.

Meanwhile in real life, I've been taking 2 BYU online courses to renew my teaching certificate.  For an Idaho licence every 5 years you need to have so many credits in order to reapply.  It's really important to me to keep it up to date, to fall back on if anything happens. Like the cool slacker I am, I of course wait till the last year when I have 4 small boys and 2 more on the way.  Earlier this year, I took a children's literature class.  It was great, I love children's book of all variety.  And although it was time consuming, it was fairly easy for me, a believe a received an A+ in the class.  At the end of July, I registered for a nutrition class.  I had just been losing weight and the topic interested me.  I should say all of the credit need to relate to elementary education in some way, and they have limited class online that do this.  ANYWAY, this class is a lot harder for me.  I read the information and it just doesn't stick like my children's literature class did, I guess I really do have a mind of a teacher.  The science and logistics of it all are still interesting to me, but I really just don't remember what I read as well or am able to apply like I think I should.  Am I losing brain cells? Can I blame it on mommy brain?  I took my midterm on Monday, and thought I did fairly well.  I knew some didn't know others, but over all I felt good and I did my best.  I got my score back today:

74%.   C.

I was having lunch with Jacob when I got the e-mail.  Apparently by the look on my face he thought I got a 40%, so he laughed and said good job.  "You're just not used to getting C's are you?"  I stared at him.  No I'm not.  Then he could tell it was affecting me more than he thought.  He reminded me and I know it's true.  I have a lot on my plate right now.  I've been trying my best.  To the point of sacrificing time with my children, my household responsibilities, my time with Jacob.  And I guess that's what scares me.  I think I'm really okay with getting a C.  Truly.  I'm just scared that my best won't be good enough.  We've sacrificed the money to take the class, all this time I've put into the class, if I fail the class it will have all been for not.  And that's what I'm not okay with.  Right now I have a low B in the class, and I know that there is still another half.  I really don't think I can up my game in order to pull up my grade.  I think I'm destined for a C in the class...please not lower!

Although it's a hard pill for me to swallow I suppose I should be okay with this.  If I'm practicing what I plan on preaching to my boys:  I'm trying my best, I should be happy with whatever I get.  And really a C is average, I'm okay to be average.  But it's still a hard lesson. Just thought I'd let you know.

P.S.  I just talked to my mom, a teacher in Idaho, she said they don't look at the grade as long as you have the credits.  So all I need to do is pass.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.