Lily and Thomas

I had a blog post I had been working on for about 6 months; it was a perfect way to share our story of getting our new baby whom we thought was a girl.  Then it was a boy.  And I haven't known what to write. And since I didn't know what to write or how much to share, I just didn't.  But after a hard day being a mom I started reading my blog from a couple of years ago and was uplifted, and I realized why I write in this blog.  It's to document our cute family's lives, but also to write my feelings and revelations that I receive that will hopefully help someone sometime.  So here it goes, a shorter but just as meaningful post about the tiny miracles that come into our lives.

Spencer and Max were about 6 months when Jacob and I felt like we were missing someone in our family.  I tried to shake it, because I was DONE having kids.  I was 95% sure we were done and reserved 5% for Heavenly Father to make it strongly known to me that there was another for our family.  He sent messages to me for weeks before I finally let myself really feel the need for another child.  I was counting my children over and over because for some reason 6 just wasn't enough.  When I finally confided in Jacob my feelings, he had been having the same ones.  We were on our way to the Temple and left with the same answer. There was another child needing to come into our home, a girl.  We were scared, excited, but mostly scared.  Could we do it again? Could this really be best for our family?  Jacob gave me multiple blessings because I really needed to know this was His plan for us before we jumped in.  The blessings were powerful: He is proud of our family, but if we were willing there's plenty more spirits that need homes. Our family is coming this way for a reason, someday we'll find out why and be so glad we listened. This addition would not hinder our boys but bring love and help bind our family together.  We'd receive so many more blessings that we could even be aware of if we listen to His council.  After hearing these words, how could we say no.

We got pregnant much faster than either of us expected.  I was tired, but my morning sickness was minimal, and we waited for our first doctor's appointment and ultrasound with much anticipation.  We both felt her spirit very strongly, much sooner than we had with any of our other children.  Around 5 weeks we knew her name would be Lily; I imagined her with dark curly hair and thought she'd be great friends with Max. She was not just some baby barely starting to grow, she was our daughter, our Lily.  We went in at 8 weeks at the beginning of December and were thrilled to see one baby, but she was smaller than we expected and we couldn't see a clear heartbeat.  We made an appointment for the next week with every intention that we'd see our cute daughter's heartbeat.  But when we went back, she'd only grown a day.  My body would soon miscarry our daughter. We were heartbroken, but KNEW she was ours for eternity.  She was part of our family; this just wasn't our time to meet her.  I had a D&C a week before Christmas and everything went smoothly.  Jacob had a harder time with losing her.  I believe she was giving me peace from the other side to go on and take care of our family.  Jacob and I had a firm resolution that we'd try harder than ever to get our little Lily back.  The first month possible we prayed and did everything we could to ensure she'd come, but all we saw was the negative pregnancy tests.  This is where I lost it.  No family picture was complete anymore; she had created a place in my heart that will not be filled without her.  She is a part of our family whether everyone knew it or not.  It was much harder than I expected it to be.

The next month happily we found we were expecting again. This time the morning sickness was stronger but not too overbearing.  But the wait to 8 weeks seemed unbearable. We were convinced we were having Lily again and regularly prayed for her in our family.  Sometimes Steven would stop and say, "Mom, it might not be Lily.  It might be a Thomas." We'd smile at him and assure him that mom and dad knew best and we were pretty sure it was Lily. Our 8 week ultrasound confirmed that was one small growing baby.  That heartbeat was music to our ears.  Because of our previous miscarriage we both were always worried something would happen to our baby, but luckily we made it to 15 1/2 weeks where we paid for a gender check. I was excited to finally tell everyone we'd be having our little Lily! But ultrasounds usually like to surprise us; it was a boy not a girl.

I was shocked, confused, happy for a healthy baby, but so confused. This was not the plan I thought. I will admit there were tears shed, not because I wanted so badly a girl.  I was expecting to see Lily, and instead found myself with another son.  What does this mean for Lily? Will we ever get to see her in this life? I wish I knew these answers, but luckily I have more peace towards it all.  Jacob and I have a few theories one leading to us never meeting Lily in this life, and another where we will.  Either way we know she is a part of our family, and that our Heavenly Father knows more than we do and loves us completely.  It will all make sense in the end, even if it leaves us confused now.

So I'm now almost 18 weeks and very excited for our little boy.  I felt strongly that we needed to pick a name for him, get to know him better.  I felt horrible that we'd been calling him Lily all this time.  Who was this handsome new addition to our family? The answer came to me, Jacob feels good about it, and it looks like Steven was right all along. Thomas will be joining our family around Thanksgiving.

Another Post of Pictures to Document Our Lives

We put quite a bit of cement in our backyard, here's how the front yard looked

The boys LOVED the whole process

 What it looks like now.  Our neighbors thought we were crazy when we first described it, but we love, and seeing it they like it too.  We just cemented where we had garden space, so now we'll put garden boxes and it will be easier to maintain and it will look nicer.  And there will be less MUD! I'm excited for that part.

The boys new favorite game is to put the cribs together and make a hideout.

Steven never understands why Spencer and Max can't sleep like this normally....

 These next pictures were all taken in one day, apparently I needed to feed them more...

William got the powder creamer out of the pantry and luckily didn't get everywhere, just the table.

Spencer and Max found a sandwich that a big brother left on the floor.

And a spoonful of peanut butter. 

Which was better than a steak knife Ryan was using earlier 

 and a thumb.

We went to a park to meet with some of Jacob's siblings in town.

It's always great when family is really more like friends.

For a family date night we went to the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point.

They had bunnies hopping around, and luckily we spotted one!

Ryan, Christopher and mommy snuggle

 Christopher can now ride a big boy bike!!

William and Max are good play mates

a bunch of lounging boys

 We've had a problem with swing set flooding creating the best swimming mud puddle ever!

I did make them wait to play until all the other boys were asleep.  I'm a nice mom, but not nice enough to clean up 6 muddy boys.

Jacob had the worst case of strep throat a few weeks ago.  He was out of commission for a good 3 days.  It really sad.

Ryan comforting Jacob at the instacare

Max snuggling with daddy

 I was sick of cleaning up cereal, so I stopped buying cold cereal and started to actually make breakfast.  It's turned out great and I was commenting to Jacob that I was clean our floor was because of it.  The next morning this happened....

We still had a bag of corn flakes

 These two fight a lot.  But they are also great buddies

William Ryan

I followed a prompting and took the boys to a park after picking Steven up from school and it turned out to be a perfect outing.  The boys noticed Max looking for these ball things and then collecting them for him.

Mommy and Spencer

 They had a stage and the boys had such a great time

Look at the airplane!

That look.

In my head I saw the perfect picture of the boys sitting together smiling.  And tried to get it, but somehow just got these.

 That's when I decided perfect is overrated.  This is real life and I LOVE IT!

After closing up shop and heading into our room to watch a Perry Mason, we heard and noise and came out to see this.

Ryan

 And this.

Christopher was awake enough to follow Ryan, but too tired to make it all the way upstairs

 William has been obsessed with this baby.  It's adorable

Max photobombing

Max getting too big!

 Sometimes we go out to eat and I think to myself we're kind of crazy to take our clan out to eat, but it's not the worst thing in the world.  And THAT is amazing!

Sometimes I find William and Ryan eating sour cream, because it's what they can reach when they're bored.

I can't believe Max actually liked this.
And yes he is wearing a diaper

Ryan is awesome at building Legos!

Max catching up on his scripture study

 We were able to take Steven and Christopher to the Payson Temple Open house.  The Temple was beautiful.  And my heart was full while walking around being reminded over and over again that my family was mine forever no matter what happened.  That knowledge brings more peace than I can possible describe.

Boys have to dip their hands in water.  Always.

The flowers were gorgeous!

 Since the Tulip Festival was coming to a close I knew we needed to go again, so I took the boys this morning to try and get their energy out.  I came back with these gems.

Ryan

William

 At first I asked them to smile and I got random smiles.

"The Triplets"

Then I acted shocked that they weren't looking at me. and BINGO. real smiles