Brave

I've been meaning to post for a while, because I have a whole summer that needs to be documented and will be once my computer stops freaking out.  Until then I've had some thoughts on my mind.

I've loved this song since I first heard it and saw this video.  I love the message and the random dancing, so something I would do.  Today I stumbled upon it again and it hit me much stronger but for a different reason.   In case some of you haven't heard, we are expecting our second pair of TWINS in April.  They are fraternal this time, William and Ryan are identical, and yes we were very much surprised. I'm sure most of you are wondering how I'm doing emotionally, since half my family didn't know how to respond till they heard I was just fine with it.  I'm doing really well for a couple of reasons:  1. We know for certain I was meant to be pregnant and when I started getting sick Jacob gave me a wonderful blessing that said we would be strong enough for this and that it was a blessing to our family.  This is His plan for us.  2. I've had twins before.  I know it's hard but I also know what worked for us.  I also know that for all the freaking out I did before they came, they weren't nearly as bad as they could have been.  Once again Heavenly Father has a plan for our cute family and will help us through this.

That all being said, I'm still human.  Most of the time I feel confident that we'll get through it, I'm not sure how, but we will.  But sometimes other's words get to me.  They mean well.  Their minds can't fathom how we will get through and they show just a little doubt. Sometimes I'm fine with these conversations.  I think they don't know what we've been through, how strong we are, Who we have behind us.  But other times, especially when the morning sickness is bad, the house is a mess, and my children are not quite as calm as I'd like them to be, it gets to me.  All of the doubts that we will make it through in one piece with my boys not affected in a negative way. My pregnancy emotions get the better of me.

It has me thinking about how society thinks, and how we are all inclined to think because well we are part of society.  Whether it's spoken or just understood, there is a category of a "normal family" and if a family doesn't fit into this, there is something wrong.  You know what I mean.  You need to wait so long after getting married before having children.  You're children should be between 2 to 4 yrs apart and depending on where you live you should have 2 to 5 children.  If by chance you are struggling with infertility, which is a personal matter, everyone wonders why you are waiting so long to start your family, or when you'll have another.  If you very fertile, which can also be a personal struggle, everyone wonders what your problem is, "Do you know what causes this?" (Yes, Jacob and I have been asked that question multiple times by strangers.)  And you are looked at differently.

Now I'm someone who usually tries to blend in, to be liked.  Call me superficial, but I like people to like me and my family.  I'm not one who seeks to stand out in the crowd, which is funny because I would totally have been in that music video and danced my crazy heart out.  So even though I know everything will be okay, the Lord will provide a way.  I want to be liked and accepted.  But it looks like Heavenly Father has something better for me, away from the crowd.  And this is when I need to be BRAVE and accept His will fully despite what everyone else thinks.