33 Weeks

 I'm 33 1/2 weeks along now and wanted to report on is going on with our new little boys.

I love how Steven tried to get into the bathroom but my big belly was in the way.

At 32 weeks I had another ultrasound and the boys are doing perfectly!  Baby A is VERY much down into position, the doctor said she's not sure how I'm still walking.  Slowly is the answer, if you wondered.  Baby B is up close to my ribs and although I heard different things at the actual ultrasound, in the report they gave my doctor they are both head down!  That is what we need if I'm going to have another vaginal delivery; which is what we REALLY want.  Baby A is 4 lbs 11 oz, and Baby B is 5 lbs 6 oz.  Both are very much proportionate and a bit ahead of schedule.  (William and Ryan were both about 5 lbs at this time, so they are growing at the same speed more or less).

Right now I'm going in every week for non-stress tests until they are born, which I have love/hate relationship with.  It's a pain to have to drive all the way to the hospital in Provo, but I love to get a glimpse of the boys and make sure everything is going smoothly with them.  After talking with my doctor he told me the hurdles or goals we have coming up.
34 weeks (on Monday!) - the boys will still need to go to the NICU, but not for as long and with no lasting effects.
35 weeks - He'll start to check and see if I'm dilating.
36 weeks - They won't stop my labor and the boys will most likely be able to come home with me!
38 weeks - They will induce me!  As long as I've progressed far enough.
So April 2nd in the date that we are shooting for, it's nice to be induced and know everything is taken care of at home.  It's less stress.  Which is only 4 weeks and 6 days away!
Sometimes I think that's not that long, I can do that.  Other days...it seems like an eternity!  I asked Jacob the other day if I could just have them now.  I know they'll have to go to the NICU, but at least I'd feel better right!?  After some rational thinking, we decided it was best they stay in there for as long as possible.

Physically, I think I'm feeling better than I did with the previous twin pregnancy, but that's hard to prove.  I really do pretty well most of the time, true getting up and down from the floor takes some effort and strength.  I spend a lot of time in the bathroom, for obvious reasons but also because I get short peaceful moments where I can sit and not have little ones trying to climb on me or NEEDING me to do something for them. I try not to lift the boys unless I have to, it takes a toll on my back later one.  And occasionally I can sneak into a store for a short trip, which is kind of a no no.  But I'm trying to just listen to my body and maybe stretch it to it's limits a time or two.

Emotionally I know I'm doing better than before.  I'm actually pretty calm about it all; I'm sure because I can picture how I'll do things in my head.  I actually think we can pull it off, once we get me healed all the way and get decent energy back.  I've made a rough schedule that seems pretty doable after the first couple of weeks are through.  But let me reassure all of you thinking she's crazy if she thinks it will be easy.  I don't.  I know there will be moments when all 7 of us will be crying.  Probably multiple times a day.  But all things considered, I think we can slowly get accustomed to our new life.  And can I say how amazing my neighborhood is?  We met with the Relief Society president and the compassionate service leader Tuesday night to talk about what we would need help with.  That night she posted on our neighborhood facebook group that we would need help with meals and the dates we were thinking of.  They offered 2 weeks, which I was floored to get that much and graciously accepted.  In 24 hours time 26 families had volunteered to bring us meals or help in any way possible!  Unbelievable!  We really do live in the best ward and neighborhood.

Highlights of a Tough Week

I was trying to figure out a way to put last week into words but all that came to mind was: tough.  We were all sick and to add to that Jacob worked LONG hours; did I mention he was/is also sick?  So I'm hoping this week is a bit better.  But some fun highlights of the week include:

Addition snuggles from Ryan who was the first to fall hard to the cold 

Big boys wearing little boys' clothes, and yes they each wore those pants all day (24 months). 

piggy back rides.  I love how whomever is on the back always holds onto the fronts' waste.

Serious games of connect four 18 month old addition

Just plain being cute

Snuggles from William who was the last to fall to the sickness.
Luckily Grandma's are great for cuddling.

Today started out rough but we made up for it with some highlights.  I actually got everything done on my to do list which included some cleaning.  We went outside to play since it was a beautiful day.  It may be the last time for a while, I forget how hard it is to keep 18 month olds who are used to being cooped up from traveling too far and into the road. I may have pushed my limits a bit.  We all took a well deserved nap, and had cereal for breakfast because I was too hot to cook anything.  But what was really new today was that William and Ryan joined us at the table for the first time.  (They are usually off the side right next to each other, but I was sick of William picking on Ryan.)  They were so happy to be there and did well with not grabbing everything on the table, which I was worried would happen.

Bad Days Happen

I was awake for only a short time before I could tell it was going to be a bad day.  I'm on the verge of having a cold, or getting over one I can never tell, and at least 3 of the boys are also showing signs of sickness.  By 8:30 there had been WAY too many tears and fights.  It was going to be a long day.  I went on facebook to try and distract myself from feeling too sorry for myself, when I saw a link shared by the Church about how to keep your sanity in a house of small children.  It was like it was meant for me.  It was a radio segment with two veteran moms who talk about their experiences.  They started talking about how big a responsibility it is and how overwhelming it can be and ways to help like, writing in your journal and focus on gospel principles.  Things that on a day like today would make me feel like a failure.

But what popped into my head, a tip from my Heavenly Father I'm sure.  Sometimes you just have bad days.  Everyone has them, you're not a bad mom if you do.  Just accept it and try to do your best. Not your best that happens when the stars all align, and you play happily with your kids all day.  You spend the day singing and dancing while you clean the house and then have deep meaningful conversations with each individual child.  Not that kind of best.  The kind of best where you make sure your kids are fed and relatively safe.  That's all you can do; that's your best.  We have different variations of bests and it's okay if not everyday is extraordinary.  It's okay if sometimes you just survive instead of thrive.  It's okay if you don't seize every moment and find the joy in the journey of every moment.  Some days are just bad.

Don't get me wrong, I did relish in some moments:  William randomly blowing me kisses during lunch.  Christopher and Steven taking a break from fighting to analyze and play with every component of their trail mix after lunch.  Ryan snuggling with me for a minute or two before bed.  I laughed when Christopher said to Steven, "If you don't give it to me, I'm going to ask louder.......GIVE IT TO ME!"  I broke out the camera to video the boys playing with helium balloons with forks tied to the bottom...until a fight broke out.  I actually made dinner with enough to freeze for another meal.  There was good a midst the bad.  But today I learned bad days happen (hopefully not more than one day in a row), but when they do, it's okay to call it like it is.

Weekend Fun

My mom and sister have been truly angels and have come down the last 6 weekends to help us out as I've been trying to do less around the house.  And of course we've had party's most of the weekends due mostly to birthday's, either way we love a good family gathering.  (It has also been nice to have fun things to look forward to and to help pass the time.  I don't have pictures of every event like going to lunch and dinner for Melanie and Matt's birthdays, and the many laughs that occurred.

 For my mom's birthday we threw her a surprise party.  She went to the temple then we had 6 of her kids come with their families to our house and wait for her arrival.  Even my dad came down to help surprise her, I think he was her favorite surprise. We of course had pizza, cake, and ice cream to help celebrate.

The video of when she came home, it might not be able to play,
but know she was truly surprised!

 Like I mentioned earlier, my mom and dad took Steven and Christopher to Cabella's for Christopher's birthday, and I finally have some pictures of it.

Uncle Matt took Steven to the Lego Movie 3D, he of course had a blast!

 Yesterday we had baby shower for family and friends in the Provo area, everyone was so nice and we got quite the load of diapers and wipes!  This of course turned into an impromptu party later back at our house with a trip to the park.

Mom and all her girls

Steven and Malachi

Christopher and Anna

 I just love this last picture, it really says a lot about my boys' personalities.  Plus it just makes me laugh!

31 weeks

Today marks officially 31 weeks pregnant with two cute fraternal baby boys.  I have an ultrasound next week but at my 28 week ultrasound each baby was 3 lbs 2 oz.  *As a side note, at this week William and Ryan were 3 lbs and 3 lbs 4 oz. So these babies are right on track to being a good size like their brothers.  They are both as healthy as can be and in a head down position.  Like Jacob stated it yesterday; everything that could be going right with this pregnancy, is.  I'm feeling pretty good. Large and tired?  Yes, but I want to say that I'm doing better than last time. My sweet mother and sister have been coming each weekend to help clean and take care of the boys since I've been on my modified movement period.  I will say I haven't been as strict on this; I've gone to a couple of stores to grab a thing for two, but for the most part I'm trying to follow doctor's orders.  I've been feeling a lot of tightening in my stomach which has scared me that I'll go into labor before these boys are ready to come.  But when I asked my doctor he said, you're body will do what it's done in the past.  Lucky for me we know how my body handles twins; and he is fairly sure that my body will keep them in as long as it can.  I asked him when he thought he'd induce me; April 2nd.  That's the date we are now focusing on.  I hope we get there.

And just for my own references:  Here is the comparison of me at 31 weeks with William and Ryan and me now.  I have had this picture in my mind, thinking of how fat my face looks.  I've been quite proud of having my face not looking that full yet, but of course one morning a week or two ago I woke up and realized the baby fat was seeping in.  But I am happy now looking at these two to see that it's not THAT bad.

And just for those people who wonder how much bigger I can get, because I do hope these babies will double in size, here's how big I was right before delivering.

Wisdom from Someone Who Knows

Today's biggest prompting I followed was calling my Grandma Balls.  My sister texted and reminded me that it had been 4 years since my Grandpa's passing, and said I should call or write to Grandma.  I adore my grandmother.  If I can be like anyone, it would be Eleanor Morrell Balls. I wanted to call her, but didn't want to bother her; I'm so glad I finally listened and called.  If anyone knows what I'm going through, it's grandma.  She had her 4 boys in 2 1/2 years, and knows how to take life in great stride and laughter.  I always love to talk to her and hear her perspective and memories of raising her boys.  But the best part today was when she kept making me feel like a celebrity for calling her.  She told my sister that she had the best day because I called; she was so excited to hear my voice and know I was doing well.  And the best part, I'm sure I'm not the only one she would say this to.  She's just that amazing that she makes everyone feel important and needed.  Once again, I hope to be just like her.  Today's theme for our conversation turned a lot to knowing that this stage in my life is hard, but as she looks back she doesn't remember the hard times as much as watching her boys grow and learn and the joys that come from that.  Such a good reminder and attitude to have.  Especially because this morning I felt great, I actually thought to myself: I don't feel that pregnant at all.  As I got the kids breakfast, little boy's diaper and clothes changed, dishes done, laundry started, I felt great.  Then I felt it.  My back started hurting and typically when I don't feel physically well, my emotional wellness also goes. I'm not as patient and loving to my children, but luckily this talk with grandma came and helped boost my day.  Though I guess the remainder of the day I just rested, but grandma also reminded me how important it was to listen to your body and rest when it needs to.  Such a great talk, such a great woman.

My favorite moments of the boys?
William and Ryan following each other around the house, the first carrying a toy and the other crying because he wanted it.  The next moment they'd come into the room in the reverse order but same scenario.  I know I should have stepped in and helped, but it was just so cute.
Steven brought home a book for him to "read" with me from preschool.  He surprised me and did quite well.  I also love when he asks to snuggle with me while watching a movie.
Christopher holding my phone and singing along to "The Goofy Movie".  His favorite being, Nobody Else but You.  He asks for it and then makes sure everyone in the house knows when it comes on.

Continue Moving Forward

I've wanted to write more in this blog.  Ever since, we found out we were having another set of twins, I saw myself writing more here; giving the ups and downs through it all.  But first I needed to finish my class, which I got a B+ for my final grade! Prayers are answered everyone.  Then I realized that I'm still tired at the end of the day.  (A while back Jacob was reading through my recent journal entries and asked if my life was as depressing as it sounds.  I realized when I write in my journal at night, I'm tired and usually don't remember all the cute wonderful moments motherhood had to offer me that day.)  So here is my attempt to rekindle my love of motherhood, I want to write about the ups and downs of my days so I can look back and remember just how funny it is, not just that I survived it.

Tonight Jacob has a meeting and I'll be honest I was excited for the time alone in the quiet.  As I was about to put on a show to clean up to, the thought came that I should turn on a conference talk instead.  I haven't done this in a long time, but my mind wandered back to this summer when I frequently cleaned up while listening to the words of the prophets.  It made me remember the night I received revelation to put our family's lives more in the hands of the Lord.  I realized in all of my days recently of just trying to survive, I was forgetting to thrive in this wonderful life.  Something that I know I can do, with His help.

I remember the night actually quite well, I was listening to President Uchtdorf's talk he gave to the Young Women in April of 2013 call, "Your Wonderful Journey Home."  I had just finished cleaning the kitchen and was moving on to the mudroom to fold laundry.  He was telling this remarkable story of how his family escaped East Germany during the war, and I was completely enthralled.  I suppose you should know that a few months before this, Jacob and I had been discussing whether to add to our family or not.  We like having our children close in age and it was starting to get to the point where would need to decide if that's what we wanted.  But we didn't know if that's really what we wanted.  We were fine with just having our four cute boys, we love them dearly and well they were keeping us busy.  BUT we also wanted to know what was best for our family, what Heavenly Father wanted for us.  If we were going to have 1 or 2 more we would want them closer rather than 5 years later, but once again we were okay with just our family of 6.  So fast forward past many prayers and thoughts and asking what was right, I was sitting folding laundry and listening to President Uchtdorf talking about our journey through this life and how it's different for everyone.  And it came to me.  Quietly, but profoundly.  "Put your future in My hands, everything will be okay." My answer had come; I talked to Jacob that night, he was shocked and a little scared, but we agreed to pray, fast, and attend the temple to secure my feelings/thoughts.

I know people probably think we're crazy, and we are, don't get me wrong.  When we found out we were pregnant again, I was shocked.  I really didn't expect it to happen so soon IF it happened at all.  But I also happened to know that God was in charge, He would not let us fail or give us something that was going to ruin our cute family.  I was at peace with it.  Then we found out we were having twins again.  Two glorious, healthy babies.  When I think of this time in my life, I know it was only 7 months ago but it seems longer, I wish I could say I was always optimistic and faithful, but I wasn't. There were tears shed and a blessing given.  But I also think of the song, I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go, we sang at church shortly after we found out.  "It may not be on the mountain top, or over the stormy sea, it may not be on the battle front my Lord will have need of me.  But if, by a still, small voice he calls to paths that I do not know, I'll answer dear Lord, with my hand in thine: I'll go where you want me to go."

Now we are at the end of the pregnancy journey and I was sad to realize how much I've retreated inward instead of upward.  I know from experience that I need my Father's help now more than ever. It's almost as if I've been standing still Spiritually, instead of moving forward with a renewed faith that everything will work out for best.  But luckily I've learned that I can start fresh, starting tonight.  Tonight is a new night and tomorrow is a new day where I can pray more fervently, invite Him into my life more fully, love my children more dearly, and continue moving forward through this journey that is my life.

Christopher is 3!

Christopher just had his third birthday, and I'll be honest I kind of always thought he was three before.  This kid is smart.  He will talk to you just as well as Steven, and he keeps us laughing with what he says constantly.  Everyone loves Christopher, he really just has the personalty that draws people to him.  What can I say other than he is just plain adorable.  This was his golden birthday, turning 3 on the 3rd, and I've been stressing about how to make it special, especially since I'm not suppose to leave the house much.  It turned into celebrating his birthday over 3 days.  He went to Cabella's with my parents on Saturday and got to pick out his present. a bear.  He LOVED it.  My mom said it was so fun to see the world through his eyes.  He kept commenting on everything loudly, have I mentioned this boy talks loud all the time?  But bystanders didn't seem to care, I told you people just love him.  My dad lost track of them for a moment and just stood still and listened and sure enough within a minute he heard Christopher talking and was able to find them on the next level.  Sunday we had cake and ice cream with the Morrise side and got to open his gifts from Grandma and Grandpa Morrise, a batman figuring, and an art kit.  He loves both of those and he HAD to have a batman cake.  Then Monday, his real birthday, he got more presents when he woke up: a new bike, a cape, and a spiderman backpack.  He got to play at his cousin's house (Luke and Winnie, though they were both at school) while I had a doctor's appointment, and then out to lunch with daddy, and of course naptime.  For dinner we asked if he wanted to go somewhere to eat and he chose to stay home and have Christmas pancakes (pancakes cut out with Christmas cookie cutters).  I was more than willing to oblige.  Over all I think he had a pretty good birthday.  Jacob overheard this conversation that night after he put them to bed.  Steven: Tomorrow's not your birthday anymore Christopher! (he's been less than pleased with all the attention Christopher has been getting.)  Christopher:  Well it's not your birthday either!

A glimpse into Christmas

We had party's with both the Balls side and the Morrise side, though I didn't take any pictures of the Morrise side. It was a different Christmas Eve for us this year, both Jacob and I are used to big families and lots of food, but this year it was just our small family for dinner and then Jacob's brother, Andy, came to spend the night with us and enjoy the boys when they woke up. (There was mario cart played which is bit of tradition for the Morrise side before bed.)  Christmas was spent opening presents and then going for brunch to Matt and Jo's house in Springville.  Then more resting and playing with our new gifts. We of course talked with my family in Idaho and also got to facetime Marshall and Susan in Korea a few times during the festivities.