Emotions

The first couple of days after we found out we were having twins was a roller coaster of emotions.  Thursday afternoon we first saw their two little heads, hands, feet, and we were elated.  I was giddy, and shocked, but happily saying, "I'm having twins! This is so bazaar!" It was truly a surreal experience.  I talked to many family members that afternoon; then while the boys and I were waiting for Jacob to come home for dinner, it hit me.  The doubt and fear of having twin boys to raise along side my other two boys.  Steven, Christopher, and I sat down and watched Mormon Messages.  I love these so much!  Anyway I watched this one and this one, both about the priesthood and I felt a comforting Spirit reminding me this was a great privilege to raise boys, and I wouldn't be alone in the experience.  I felt oh so much better, then the evening was spent telling more family and friends.

Days two and three were the drop in the roller coaster.  There were  a lot of worried thoughts rummaging through my head and tears shed.  But yet there were bright points as well.  I read an article in the ensign by Elder Bednar about the enabling power of the Atonement.  He gives many stories from the scriptures that really touched me specifically.  He mentioned the people of Ammon who were persecuted by Amulon.  The Lord told them:

“I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs. …

“And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:14–15).

My situation is not going to change, nor would I want it to, but it's so comforting to know that through the Atonement and my faith, I will have help.  I'm not sure if I will be able to cheerfully submit all my will the the Lord, but through time maybe that's what it will teach me to do, I sure hope so.  

Elder Bednar also talked of Nephi, when he was bound by his brothers on the way back from Jerusalem.   Nephi asked for the strength to burst the bands that held him.  He didn't ask for his circumstances to be changed automatically, he asked for the strength to change his circumstances.  Elder Bednar goes on to say that the bands probably didn't just magically become unloosed from this hands, but rather that Nephi worked and with the strength of the Lord, was strong enough to break them.  Once again, I'm not strong enough to do this feat alone, but with the help of my Lord, Jesus Christ, and His atonement I can do it.  Will be it be hard?  Absolutely!  But I can do hard things.  And I'm positive this will bring our cute little family just that much closer.

So yes, it's been truly a whirlwind of emotions.  And I suppose it will be for the rest of my life, but doesn't that just come with motherhood?  Anyway, I appreciate all of the wonderful encouragement I've received from friends and family members.  It is a little hard to have so many people talk to me as if I've been diagnosed with cancer or something:  "I'm so sorry."  "Bless your heart, that will be so hard."  But it makes up for it when people are genuinely happy for us and tell us we can do it!  So thank you to all my friends and family for your wonderful support during this "trying time."  

My new motto is from the second Mormon Message I shared called, "Sanctify Yourselves."  by Elder Holland.  I love listening to this man and the fact that the story he's telling comes from Inkom Idaho, 40 miles away from where I grew up, doesn't hurt a bit.

"Sanctify yourselves, for tomorrow 

the Lord will do wonders among you." 

Surprise!

Last Thursday, Jacob and I set out to see the ultrasound of our new baby.  This was our first ultrasound and all I wanted to know was that our baby would be ok; I hadn't felt the baby as much as I would have liked.  For all my other kids this ultrasound was meant for us to find out the gender, but with this child I just wanted to make sure they were ok.  Plus I was positive it was a girl.  As we get there I see the woman leave who was in front of us.  You can barely tell she's pregnant and here I am looking like I'm in my 3rd trimester!  I brushed it off and we went in for our turn.  He took our information then started out low, making sure the birthing canal was free and there wasn't any signs of cancer.  He moved the wand up said, "Oh that's a surprise!"  He quickly moved it down and told me to take a deep breath.  I thought maybe I wasn't relaxed enough to get a good reading; so I did so.  Then the words that will forever change my life.

"Did we know there were TWO in there?" 

Jacob and I just looked and smiled at each other, shocked.  No we didn't know there were two in there.  We joked about it plenty, but didn't actually believe there were two there.  Then it all made sense.  That's why I'm so big and uncomfortable.  I've been feeling like I'm in my 3rd trimester not the 2nd.  I have two in there.  TWO!  It didn't take him long to realize they were the same gender, and our BOYS made it clear what that gender was!

The rest of the ultrasound was very surreal.  I was there paying attention to make sure my babies were healthy, which they are.  Both are the same size and as healthy as can be!  It's hard to tell if they'll be identical or not, but it looks that way.  We could only see one placenta and the membrane separating them, but sometimes the two placentas fuse together, which would mean fraternal twins.  We'll have to wait until they are born to actually tell.  I am relieved they are both so healthy, but my mind kept racing: can I do this?, how will we tell everyone?, can I do this?, we'll have to get another crib, car seat and who knows what else, imaging all four boys running in opposite directions at once, I'll have 4 boys under 4 and maybe under 3 if they come really early!  And in between all this was my heart telling my head,

"Heavenly Father wouldn't give them to you if He didn't think you can this."
"It will be ok.  Grandma did it, so can you."

Did you know my sweet Grandma had this same scenario?  Except her oldest was 2 1/2 when the twins were born; my dad was #2 in the line.  And truth being told, I've always wanted to be just like my Grandma when I'm her age, so I guess this is just the next step I need to take!


We are thrilled to welcome these two new additions to our families.  Of course the last few days have been an emotional roller coaster for us, but that's to be expected and will be a different post entirely.  We will go to our regular doctor, this was just an ultrasound technician, on the 1st of May to know how this will change things.  I feel like it's my first pregnancy again, I have so many questions, it's all quite knew to us.  We'll let you know how they, and us, are doing as we find out!