Emotions

The first couple of days after we found out we were having twins was a roller coaster of emotions.  Thursday afternoon we first saw their two little heads, hands, feet, and we were elated.  I was giddy, and shocked, but happily saying, "I'm having twins! This is so bazaar!" It was truly a surreal experience.  I talked to many family members that afternoon; then while the boys and I were waiting for Jacob to come home for dinner, it hit me.  The doubt and fear of having twin boys to raise along side my other two boys.  Steven, Christopher, and I sat down and watched Mormon Messages.  I love these so much!  Anyway I watched this one and this one, both about the priesthood and I felt a comforting Spirit reminding me this was a great privilege to raise boys, and I wouldn't be alone in the experience.  I felt oh so much better, then the evening was spent telling more family and friends.

Days two and three were the drop in the roller coaster.  There were  a lot of worried thoughts rummaging through my head and tears shed.  But yet there were bright points as well.  I read an article in the ensign by Elder Bednar about the enabling power of the Atonement.  He gives many stories from the scriptures that really touched me specifically.  He mentioned the people of Ammon who were persecuted by Amulon.  The Lord told them:

“I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs. …

“And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:14–15).

My situation is not going to change, nor would I want it to, but it's so comforting to know that through the Atonement and my faith, I will have help.  I'm not sure if I will be able to cheerfully submit all my will the the Lord, but through time maybe that's what it will teach me to do, I sure hope so.  

Elder Bednar also talked of Nephi, when he was bound by his brothers on the way back from Jerusalem.   Nephi asked for the strength to burst the bands that held him.  He didn't ask for his circumstances to be changed automatically, he asked for the strength to change his circumstances.  Elder Bednar goes on to say that the bands probably didn't just magically become unloosed from this hands, but rather that Nephi worked and with the strength of the Lord, was strong enough to break them.  Once again, I'm not strong enough to do this feat alone, but with the help of my Lord, Jesus Christ, and His atonement I can do it.  Will be it be hard?  Absolutely!  But I can do hard things.  And I'm positive this will bring our cute little family just that much closer.

So yes, it's been truly a whirlwind of emotions.  And I suppose it will be for the rest of my life, but doesn't that just come with motherhood?  Anyway, I appreciate all of the wonderful encouragement I've received from friends and family members.  It is a little hard to have so many people talk to me as if I've been diagnosed with cancer or something:  "I'm so sorry."  "Bless your heart, that will be so hard."  But it makes up for it when people are genuinely happy for us and tell us we can do it!  So thank you to all my friends and family for your wonderful support during this "trying time."  

My new motto is from the second Mormon Message I shared called, "Sanctify Yourselves."  by Elder Holland.  I love listening to this man and the fact that the story he's telling comes from Inkom Idaho, 40 miles away from where I grew up, doesn't hurt a bit.

"Sanctify yourselves, for tomorrow 

the Lord will do wonders among you."