Thursday, May 27, 2010
Love
Steven and I went for a walk last night and it was wonderful. You know that temperature that's pleasantly warm with a light breeze. I love it! I love our walking path around the streets of Historic Provo. I like to image I'm walking down the street where Father of the Bride takes place, you know what I'm talking about...my dream is to live on a street like that. I love the trees giving me shade on the side walk. I love the smell of freshly cut grass and flowers. I love how Steven sticks his hand of the stroller like someone would out of the window of a moving car. I love listening to the CD my husband made me all about how much he loves me and how we'll grow old together. Love it all. It's funny how some moments make you step out of your regular schedules and allow you to just truly enjoy life. Yes, I'm in love with my life.
Monday, May 24, 2010
I've Been Thinking
My weight has had me worried and depressed for about 12 months now. It all started when we moved to North Salt Lake when I was pregnant with Steven. I didn't have a job, it was in the summer and all I wanted to do was sit and eat. And so I did. I used the excuse far too many times, "Jacob, the baby NEEDS those donuts." My pregnancy weight gain went from normal to wow I never thought I'd ever see those numbers. EVER! But I thought, it's ok once the baby comes the pounds will shed. No big deal. Yes, big deal. I would make goals for myself like I want to be normal by Thanksgiving...Christmas...my birthday...Jacob's birthday...each time would fail.
Steven is now 9 months and I've talked with friends and family members that said it took them 9 months to be back to normal. So I thought great, wait until then and I'll be back to normal. Well I'm not. I'm still about 15 pounds away...frustrating. Now I know that it's my fault for not exercising as well and eating anything and anytime I wanted while pregnant. But I can't go into the past and change it, though I wish I could. I can just use this knowledge with my pregnancies to come.
Then I started really thinking, now this might be a way for me to justify that I still am not back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But really I'm tired of not being happy with myself physically. I know it's always hard for Jacob to hear me say that, and I think it's time for me to stop defining myself by my weight. I'm more than what the scale says. So here is my new way of thinking, in case this sounds familiar to anyone else.
1. Yes, my body is not the same after I've had Steven. But really it's a sacrifice I've made to bring this adorable boy in this world. There is a time when I can worry about my self-image, but that self-image shouldn't conflict with my happiness in raising this little boy. I would do it again and again to bring the same result. It's my duty and love as a mother that brings those love handles around my waist.
2. I have lost a lot of weight already. Instead of thinking of those 15 pounds I still have to loose, I should instead think of the 45 I've already lost. (Yes, I told you I gained a lot!) That's a great accomplishment! Then make bigger changes to help in loosing those next pounds. For example, we are only eating treats one day a week now, and exercising every day, even if it's just a walk with Steven. I'm hoping these together will help tackle those last stubborn pounds.
3. Last and most importantly, remember that I have a Father in Heaven who gave me this body. Yes, I'm sure He thought to Himself, "Cassanda stop eating all of those, you'll regret it later!" But He still loves me and wants me to be happy. He gave me this body to do good with, not think badly about when it doesn't shed the pounds as fast I think it should. So with this body I will do good. I will exercise, eat more healthy, and take care of my handsome husband and adorable boy. I will not concentrate so much on my outward appearance and more on my inward. Let my light shine forth that they may see my good works and glorify my Father which is in Heaven. That is what this life is really all about anyway right? Helping each other return to our Father. I can do that so much better when I'm not focused on my body and more focused on how I can help and left others.
Steven is now 9 months and I've talked with friends and family members that said it took them 9 months to be back to normal. So I thought great, wait until then and I'll be back to normal. Well I'm not. I'm still about 15 pounds away...frustrating. Now I know that it's my fault for not exercising as well and eating anything and anytime I wanted while pregnant. But I can't go into the past and change it, though I wish I could. I can just use this knowledge with my pregnancies to come.
Then I started really thinking, now this might be a way for me to justify that I still am not back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But really I'm tired of not being happy with myself physically. I know it's always hard for Jacob to hear me say that, and I think it's time for me to stop defining myself by my weight. I'm more than what the scale says. So here is my new way of thinking, in case this sounds familiar to anyone else.
1. Yes, my body is not the same after I've had Steven. But really it's a sacrifice I've made to bring this adorable boy in this world. There is a time when I can worry about my self-image, but that self-image shouldn't conflict with my happiness in raising this little boy. I would do it again and again to bring the same result. It's my duty and love as a mother that brings those love handles around my waist.
2. I have lost a lot of weight already. Instead of thinking of those 15 pounds I still have to loose, I should instead think of the 45 I've already lost. (Yes, I told you I gained a lot!) That's a great accomplishment! Then make bigger changes to help in loosing those next pounds. For example, we are only eating treats one day a week now, and exercising every day, even if it's just a walk with Steven. I'm hoping these together will help tackle those last stubborn pounds.
3. Last and most importantly, remember that I have a Father in Heaven who gave me this body. Yes, I'm sure He thought to Himself, "Cassanda stop eating all of those, you'll regret it later!" But He still loves me and wants me to be happy. He gave me this body to do good with, not think badly about when it doesn't shed the pounds as fast I think it should. So with this body I will do good. I will exercise, eat more healthy, and take care of my handsome husband and adorable boy. I will not concentrate so much on my outward appearance and more on my inward. Let my light shine forth that they may see my good works and glorify my Father which is in Heaven. That is what this life is really all about anyway right? Helping each other return to our Father. I can do that so much better when I'm not focused on my body and more focused on how I can help and left others.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Updates
I know it's sad how long it's been since I've last posted, but here are some updates.
Steven:
Is officially army crawling. I can't believe how my little boy is growing up! I love him to death; I'm really so proud of him. It doesn't matter to me when he really starts crawling, I'm just glad he is doing something when he seeing something he wants rather than just either crying for it or not caring for anything enough to go get it. (I know probably not the best formulated sentence, but you get the drift)
Only gained 1 oz over the past 3 months, but is making up for it now by eating non stop if I'd let him. I'm scared for when he becomes a teenager! His new favorite is yogurt, any flavor.
Loves playing with his cousins that are so close now.
Still sleeping in the craziest positions
Loves to swing, it's a good thing there is a park a couple of blocks from our house. I can't wait till he's a little bigger and can enjoy the whole park!
Is starting to giggle more often especially when Jacob or I start laughing at him.
Favorite activity is sitting on daddy's shoulders while he walks around.
Jacob and Cassanda
Jacob started graduate school, still just doing research to find a good thesis topic. But still enjoying what he reads. He's started a new blog to document his progress and update everyone on how to help out the cause of developing the developing world.
Getting used to living in Provo. I'm still trying to get around everywhere, and Jacob's trying to get used to living where he grew up. We do love being so close to so much family!
Jacob starting to train to defend his title as fastest walker at the Soda Springs July 4th 5K. We're about 3 weeks into a program called "couch to 5K". Jacob seems to really like it, I on the other hand dread it. But I do admit I like that I'm not out of breath running short distances now. (Yes, I was/am really out of shape)
Were just called to be the sunbeam teachers in our new ward. I am certain we'll love it, the kids are so adorable!
Have everything put away and organized finally. Now I can get back to doing projects while Steven is asleep. Our top favorite things with this new apartment are: washer/dryer IN our apartment, an actual freezer and fridge (right now it's filled with strawberries, strawberry jam, chicken, hamburger, frozen fruits and veggies, and of course ice-cream. In our old freezer we MIGHT have piled just one of those items in!), Extra storage so Steven doesn't have to share his room with lots of storage boxes, central air conditioning, and a great location near BYU and the Provo library!
We really do love it here. I have a feeling I'm going to learn so much from living here that will make me a better wife, mother, and friend. I can't wait to enjoy every moment here!
Steven:
Is officially army crawling. I can't believe how my little boy is growing up! I love him to death; I'm really so proud of him. It doesn't matter to me when he really starts crawling, I'm just glad he is doing something when he seeing something he wants rather than just either crying for it or not caring for anything enough to go get it. (I know probably not the best formulated sentence, but you get the drift)
Only gained 1 oz over the past 3 months, but is making up for it now by eating non stop if I'd let him. I'm scared for when he becomes a teenager! His new favorite is yogurt, any flavor.
Loves playing with his cousins that are so close now.
Still sleeping in the craziest positions
Loves to swing, it's a good thing there is a park a couple of blocks from our house. I can't wait till he's a little bigger and can enjoy the whole park!
Is starting to giggle more often especially when Jacob or I start laughing at him.
Favorite activity is sitting on daddy's shoulders while he walks around.
Jacob and Cassanda
Jacob started graduate school, still just doing research to find a good thesis topic. But still enjoying what he reads. He's started a new blog to document his progress and update everyone on how to help out the cause of developing the developing world.
Getting used to living in Provo. I'm still trying to get around everywhere, and Jacob's trying to get used to living where he grew up. We do love being so close to so much family!
Jacob starting to train to defend his title as fastest walker at the Soda Springs July 4th 5K. We're about 3 weeks into a program called "couch to 5K". Jacob seems to really like it, I on the other hand dread it. But I do admit I like that I'm not out of breath running short distances now. (Yes, I was/am really out of shape)
Were just called to be the sunbeam teachers in our new ward. I am certain we'll love it, the kids are so adorable!
Have everything put away and organized finally. Now I can get back to doing projects while Steven is asleep. Our top favorite things with this new apartment are: washer/dryer IN our apartment, an actual freezer and fridge (right now it's filled with strawberries, strawberry jam, chicken, hamburger, frozen fruits and veggies, and of course ice-cream. In our old freezer we MIGHT have piled just one of those items in!), Extra storage so Steven doesn't have to share his room with lots of storage boxes, central air conditioning, and a great location near BYU and the Provo library!
We really do love it here. I have a feeling I'm going to learn so much from living here that will make me a better wife, mother, and friend. I can't wait to enjoy every moment here!
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