My weight has had me worried and depressed for about 12 months now. It all started when we moved to North Salt Lake when I was pregnant with Steven. I didn't have a job, it was in the summer and all I wanted to do was sit and eat. And so I did. I used the excuse far too many times, "Jacob, the baby NEEDS those donuts." My pregnancy weight gain went from normal to wow I never thought I'd ever see those numbers. EVER! But I thought, it's ok once the baby comes the pounds will shed. No big deal. Yes, big deal. I would make goals for myself like I want to be normal by Thanksgiving...Christmas...my birthday...Jacob's birthday...each time would fail.
Steven is now 9 months and I've talked with friends and family members that said it took them 9 months to be back to normal. So I thought great, wait until then and I'll be back to normal. Well I'm not. I'm still about 15 pounds away...frustrating. Now I know that it's my fault for not exercising as well and eating anything and anytime I wanted while pregnant. But I can't go into the past and change it, though I wish I could. I can just use this knowledge with my pregnancies to come.
Then I started really thinking, now this might be a way for me to justify that I still am not back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But really I'm tired of not being happy with myself physically. I know it's always hard for Jacob to hear me say that, and I think it's time for me to stop defining myself by my weight. I'm more than what the scale says. So here is my new way of thinking, in case this sounds familiar to anyone else.
1. Yes, my body is not the same after I've had Steven. But really it's a sacrifice I've made to bring this adorable boy in this world. There is a time when I can worry about my self-image, but that self-image shouldn't conflict with my happiness in raising this little boy. I would do it again and again to bring the same result. It's my duty and love as a mother that brings those love handles around my waist.
2. I have lost a lot of weight already. Instead of thinking of those 15 pounds I still have to loose, I should instead think of the 45 I've already lost. (Yes, I told you I gained a lot!) That's a great accomplishment! Then make bigger changes to help in loosing those next pounds. For example, we are only eating treats one day a week now, and exercising every day, even if it's just a walk with Steven. I'm hoping these together will help tackle those last stubborn pounds.
3. Last and most importantly, remember that I have a Father in Heaven who gave me this body. Yes, I'm sure He thought to Himself, "Cassanda stop eating all of those, you'll regret it later!" But He still loves me and wants me to be happy. He gave me this body to do good with, not think badly about when it doesn't shed the pounds as fast I think it should. So with this body I will do good. I will exercise, eat more healthy, and take care of my handsome husband and adorable boy. I will not concentrate so much on my outward appearance and more on my inward. Let my light shine forth that they may see my good works and glorify my Father which is in Heaven. That is what this life is really all about anyway right? Helping each other return to our Father. I can do that so much better when I'm not focused on my body and more focused on how I can help and left others.
Cassanda, I have to tell you, when I first met you when you were still pregnant with Steven, I told Pastor that you were most beautiful pregnant person I've ever seen. That was before I knew you, so I didn't say anything. Sorry. :(
ReplyDeleteI still think you are one of the prettiest people I've ever seen. Thank you for sharing this blog. I've been struggling with the same thing and have had very slim results even though I go on LONNNG walks with the boys every day. You are very strong, I've always been too ashamed to share my story on my blog. Thanks for sharing your courage and your beautiful family. I learn something new every time I read a post. :)
Good for you for thinking this way! I totally know how you feel, though. My weight has fluctuated up and down for the past 5 years and it does really affect how I feel and think about myself. And things are especially different after having a baby. Our bodies will never be quite the same. But you're right, it's all worth it! And I think you're beautiful not matter what!!
ReplyDelete*no* matter what...oops :)
ReplyDeleteThat was just wonderful! Thank you for sharing! I have been feeling that way too, but mine is 10 times worse because I now have two adorable boys, but twice the weight to lose because I didn't lose it all after having my first son! I was doing good for a while but then for the last two months the scale did not budge! So Frustrating!!! Then I stepped on the scale today and WOW I dropped 5 lbs! I still have a ways to go, but I am glad that the scale is now moving in the right direction! This means that I have lost 13 lbs beyond the weight that I gained this last pregnancy, so in 6 months I have lost 20 lbs of pregnancy weight and 13 lbs of fat! I'm getting there. It really was great to read your post, because that has helped me to refocus on what is really important!
ReplyDeleteIt is all worth it thats for sure!! So funny thing...brother Hegemann came up for our youth conference here in Kingman and he asked if I would do the "no sweets" diet again. Of course I had to take him up on it. I knew it was my way of starting to lose the weight. So now I do a treat once a week and I have started to lose some weight. I was shocked even when I didn't work out at all for one whole week I had still lost a pound. So I am curious if you are losing weight now because of one treat a week? I have passed up SOOOOO much because of it. There would be days at home where I would snack on anything that was sweet. If i didn't have anything sweet I would go for the chocolate chips. It was terrible. But now I am feel so much healthier and happier (even thought the pounds aren't going that fast). I hope it works like it has been for me. If you want to you can write me a check so you don't have an excuse. If you eat more than one a week then I get to cash your check!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder about the sanctity and gift of our bodies. I never would have guessed that those thoughts would be going through your mind. On the outside you don't give off that aura/impression one iota, so you should be comforted by that!! I haven't even had kids yet but I'm still of course insecure about my body. When I'm pregnant can I come cry on your shoulder and eat sweets together??? :)
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