A Taste of My Own Medicine

Jacob and I often think ahead to times in our boy's lives and try to think of problems they'll encounter or how to help them best in their lives.  One of these scenarios is to always try their best, especially in school.  We talk of not caring whether they get A's or C's as long as they are trying their hardest.  Jacob and I were always very obsessed with our grades especially in college, some would say to the point of OCD, but I beg to differ.  And although it worked out for us, we don't necessarily want our kids to be stressed to the point that we were.  We just want them to do their best.

Meanwhile in real life, I've been taking 2 BYU online courses to renew my teaching certificate.  For an Idaho licence every 5 years you need to have so many credits in order to reapply.  It's really important to me to keep it up to date, to fall back on if anything happens. Like the cool slacker I am, I of course wait till the last year when I have 4 small boys and 2 more on the way.  Earlier this year, I took a children's literature class.  It was great, I love children's book of all variety.  And although it was time consuming, it was fairly easy for me, a believe a received an A+ in the class.  At the end of July, I registered for a nutrition class.  I had just been losing weight and the topic interested me.  I should say all of the credit need to relate to elementary education in some way, and they have limited class online that do this.  ANYWAY, this class is a lot harder for me.  I read the information and it just doesn't stick like my children's literature class did, I guess I really do have a mind of a teacher.  The science and logistics of it all are still interesting to me, but I really just don't remember what I read as well or am able to apply like I think I should.  Am I losing brain cells? Can I blame it on mommy brain?  I took my midterm on Monday, and thought I did fairly well.  I knew some didn't know others, but over all I felt good and I did my best.  I got my score back today:

74%.   C.

I was having lunch with Jacob when I got the e-mail.  Apparently by the look on my face he thought I got a 40%, so he laughed and said good job.  "You're just not used to getting C's are you?"  I stared at him.  No I'm not.  Then he could tell it was affecting me more than he thought.  He reminded me and I know it's true.  I have a lot on my plate right now.  I've been trying my best.  To the point of sacrificing time with my children, my household responsibilities, my time with Jacob.  And I guess that's what scares me.  I think I'm really okay with getting a C.  Truly.  I'm just scared that my best won't be good enough.  We've sacrificed the money to take the class, all this time I've put into the class, if I fail the class it will have all been for not.  And that's what I'm not okay with.  Right now I have a low B in the class, and I know that there is still another half.  I really don't think I can up my game in order to pull up my grade.  I think I'm destined for a C in the class...please not lower!

Although it's a hard pill for me to swallow I suppose I should be okay with this.  If I'm practicing what I plan on preaching to my boys:  I'm trying my best, I should be happy with whatever I get.  And really a C is average, I'm okay to be average.  But it's still a hard lesson. Just thought I'd let you know.

P.S.  I just talked to my mom, a teacher in Idaho, she said they don't look at the grade as long as you have the credits.  So all I need to do is pass.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.