Image

I've been thinking about my image for a while; how I see myself and how others see me. Like most women I was/am concerned with how I look. Mostly am I skinny enough? Then I stopped and thought about it. Why do I want to be skinny? My answer was mostly so those who saw me would think, "She has two kids? She looks great." Also, I wanted those who knew Jacob well to think, "Wow, he really picked a winner!" I thought some more about why skinny was so desirable. What makes women go to great lengths to be skinny?

The answer I think is at the core: To appeal to men's desires. Yes, women want to look good for their friend's comments and such, but society is that way because someone decided that you were only desirable if you are skinny. You know what I have to say about that? Who cares; I don't want to be an object. I have a husband who loves me for ME and not because of my weight. Which lead to me think about some friends that I have who are amazing. Why are they amazing? It's not how they look, it's how they act. It's who they are. Their funny, smart, and make people feel good. That's how I want to be remembered. I told Jacob my theory and he agreed, "You don't think of (our friend) and think, she'd be so much nicer if she were skinnier. No, you think she's a fun person to be around."

I figure if I stop worrying about how others think of me and stop putting myself down because I'm heavier than all the women in the room, I can be myself. And when I'm myself I'll be happier and I'll be able to truly get to know and love more people. I feel this is how my Heavenly Father would have me think of myself. Instead of, "Hi I'm Cassanda, I'm a size 15." I'm going to try and think, "Hi, I'm Cassanda, I'm a wife, mother, craft and cook wannabe. I like to read children books and watch chick flicks. I love laughter to fill my home, and can usually relate to everyone on some level."

I can't tell you how much peace this has brought into my life and home. When I don't spend so much energy worrying about my image, I can keep the house cleaner, be a better mom, a more thoughtful wife. And that's what I really want to my image to be.