Change

I don't like change.  I remember in a class at BYU-Idaho, where the teacher had us go around the room and tell everyone what we were afraid of as a way to get to know each other.  I was near the end and after hearing many responses of spiders, snakes, heights.  I said:  change.  She looked at me with a perplexed face and continued on.  But it was true, I'm not a huge fan of change, even good change.  Like moving into our new home, even though I LOVE our new home and the neighborhood.  It's still hard to leave our old friends and ward members behind.  Those who we know and love and those who actually know us.  But it's been good, and I'm learning to embrace this change and trying to go out of my comfort zone.  I realize in a short time, I'm going to love this new ward as much as we loved our old one.

Another new good change is that of our adorable babies, William and Ryan.  Who are angel babies, seriously the best boys we could have asked for.  There are many days when I say to Jacob, "I don't know why so many people talk about how hard it must be for us having all of these boys.  It's really not that bad."  Then he reminds me of the other days.  The ones where I cry.  This past week has been one of those days over and over.  I find myself bursting into tears often over little things.  Overwhelmed at the task I have.  I tried to think back to a talk in sacrament meeting that's given me help before.  It was a woman who is going through cancer treatments who was talking with another who is battling cancer.  They commented, "Why not us? Why can't we do this?"  In the past I could remind myself, "why not me?  Why not me raise these four energetic boys to be respectful, polite, fun, loving boys?  I've got the skill set for it.  I can do this!" and it would get me through. But every time I started, I would just get teary eyed again.  I know I can, it's just hard.  The boys seem to know when I'm like this and it seems all the things I don't like them to do comes out strong.  Specifically this week:  Steven has been rougher with his brothers, even with me asking him 10 seconds before to be gentle with them.  Christopher has started to wet himself during the day, something I thought we were past.  William and Ryan have needed my attention a little bit more.  It has just been hard to try all day to help them to find at the end of the day nothing has been changed.

Yesterday night was one of these times.  Christopher came to me with his pants around his ankles because they were wet, probably poopy as well.  I went to the bathroom to get him cleaned up, but realized I would need wipes.  I went to get a new container, of course I'd have to open a new box.  Frustrated, I went to the kitchen to get something sharp to cut the box open, when I saw Steven roughly playing with Ryan's hair.  I lost it.  I yelled Steven's name, I hardly ever yell, so this sent us both to tears.  The rest of the night came quickly, and soon I was talking to Jacob about everything I was feeling.  How hard being a parent is and all the frustrations I had been feeling.  Like a good husband, he just held me tight and confirmed that yes, indeed it was tough.  I told him how I just didn't know how to change the boys' behavior.  How can I make Christopher listen to me and go to the bathroom in the toilet instead of his underwear.  How can I make Steven be kinder to his siblings?  I honestly didn't know how to do it.

Well today, I woke up to the same feelings.  I prayed that I would know how to help them.  Church started out well but by the end of sacrament meeting I was frazzled, it's amazing what going 5 minutes over can do.  It didn't help my mood that Steven came out of the men's bathroom without his shoes, pants, or underwear on.  I went into Sunday school worried I would again burst out crying, I could feel the tears coming.  Luckily I was able to suppress them, and get my mind on the lesson.  Relief Society started with my silent prayer to know how to fix what was wrong in my home, then we sang the hymn, I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go.  I sang and felt power in the words, "I'll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine.  I'll go where you want me to go."  I knew I could do this, it would be hard, but with the Lord's help, I could do it.  I need to be humble and ask all day long for help.  Then the sister passed out cards with different scriptures on them, mine came from Ether 12:27: "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."   It was all clear.

I was trying to change Steven and Christopher, but what I really needed to do was to change myself.

It was actually a relief.  I can change myself, I can control that.  I can't control my children, but I can control how I react to the choices of my children.  That is what had changed this week.  I had no patience and little love to show to a child who needed guidance.  These are the things I can change.  Hopefully it will help.  I know the road is not going to be easy from here, but I hope it will be more enjoyable.

I've loved taking the time this holiday to think of our Savior's life.  His life was very difficult, but in the stories we can see so much joy.  How grateful I am of His life, death, and resurrection   Because of Jesus Christ's atonement, I can change.  Not only can I change, but I can receive help throughout this process.  I know that Christ is the Son of God, that through His atonement I can better myself and hopefully one day live with Him, our Father in Heaven, and my family.  My wonderful crazy family.

Four Boys at 6 Months

All my boys at 6 months.

William  19 lbs. 10 oz    30 inches long

Ryan  19 lbs  15 1/2 oz.  29 inches long

 Steven   17 lbs 6 oz      26.5 inches long

 Christopher  17 lbs 11 oz  27 inches long

Things to learn:  William and Ryan will most likely tower over their older brothers.  Even though you can tell they are related, they still are very much individuals.

Steven 3 1/2

Facts about Steven that you might not know:

His first day of Primary (Sunbeams) he stood up in the middle of sharing time and said, "ROAR!"  Then sat back down like nothing happened.

Loves to play with any sort of electrical device:
iPods, iPhones, iPads, or even "i-kindles"

He loves his new primary class because he gets treats to take home, every single week.  But if he sees one of his teachers in the hall, he'll hide behind my legs.  Our neighbor said that during this past week he kept raising his hand and asking if it was his turn during sharing time, finally his teacher asked if they had made a stick with his name on it.  They had not, and he got a turn.  Our neighbor was impressed that he would speak up for himself.

Which reminds me of a time while I was pregnant with the twins that he went to Little Caesars with my sister Melanie.  While waiting for the pizza, he asked Mel if he could ask the man for some cookies.  Melanie thought that was very strange but let him anyway.  He asked and the man gave him some, did you know most Little Caesars have graham cracker cookies they give out?  Steven did and he wasn't afraid to ask for it!

Started to draw people, then stopped.

When one of the babies start to cry, he will run over and give them a binky...unless he caused the crying, then he just runs.

Loves puzzles, Lego's, trains, cars, and his new games, "Ants in the Can" and "Chutes and Ladders"  He will allow me to spin the dial for him on Chutes and Ladders and he will count that many spaces, but it is usually all over the board.  He will finally go to the last block when I'm about 2 moves away from winning.

He loves to watch any shows and with each new movie or show he tells us it's his favorite.  Although it usually is "The Lorax".  We recently watched "Wreck it Ralph."  His favorite part (spoiler aler!) was when he wrecked the girl's car, a very touching sad part of the movie.  He said it was funny.  I'm not sure what to think there.

Is a great big brother!

Is still obsessed with hair: mine, his brothers.  But not his dad's, "it's too pokey"  He's not to scared to grab some hair while it's up in a bun, not loose hair, but the hair the leads to actual ponytail.  It's not my favorite thing.

Has started to go through quiet time without a nap, and is doing pretty well. Though I still insist he take a nap on Sunday, I'm not ready to give up that one.  And can be seen just walking around hitting things, hopefully just the couch and not people.  I think it's normal behavior for a 3 yr old boy...right? 

Is addicted to treats, here he is licking out a tub of ice cream

For a couple of consecutive days, Steven would wake up (and most likely wake up Christopher) get some sort of treat for them then run downstairs and hide it under his bed.  A while ago they took ice cream down and ate it in their closet.  We're on a treat fast.

Yesterday as I came out of my room in the morning I saw him coming out of the pantry, look at me, then scurry back.  The bar stool was in there, that's never a good sign.  He went on to say how sorry he was that he opened a bag of chocolate chips.  He couldn't open it with his hands, so he tried a spoon. That didn't work.  He was sorry he used a butter knife to try and open it, but that didn't work either.  So lastly he was sorry he used the scissors on the counter to open it, he placed it back on the counter.  I've been trying to not get too upset over little things, so I just asked him to go down stairs and help Christopher go to the bathroom.  He goes to the top of the stairs and yells, "Chrisopher!  I can't get you anymore treats!"

This morning I woke up before him and after being upstairs for a couple of minutes said, "Mom, I don't like you to be up when I get up, then I can't have any treats."

We adore Steven.  He is such a great big brother, as good as a big brother can be.  He is so smart, funny, clever, and just plain cute.  He has a memory like no other and I'm afraid of what I'm doing that will be with him for the rest of his life.  For the most part he is still easy going and willing to do most of what I ask him...most.  But we wouldn't trade this guy for anything!

Christopher is 2!

 At the beginning of February Christopher turned 2! He requested a Mickey Mouse cake, it was simple enough so I obliged.  Here are a few things about Christopher: 

 Loves watching Mickey Mouse, Curious George, Phineas and Ferb, and anything Steven is watching.

Will often try to "wrestle" with William and Ryan, a.k.a. laying on top of them.  But is pretty soft with them other than that.  If you ask which baby this one is, he'd most often say, "WillRyan."  Just covering his bases.

 Makes an "Elmo" out of Legos, as shown above, but when you ask him who the actual Elmo is, he says, "Ulma".  This Elmo has wings; he can fly.

Loves to play outside with Steven, I'm not sure what they do all the time out there, but it's cute to listen to.

Knows when he is going to get into trouble and then look at me in a way that I can't help but laugh, and he knows it.  What an adorable goof ball.

He's the favorite in nursery, because all he does is stand there.  While all the other boys are climbing and sliding on tables, he just stands there.  But last week Jacob saw him playing with toys, so maybe he's starting to break out of his shell.

His favorite past times are:  legos, puzzles, eating, reading, crying, cars, trains, more eating, and more crying.  This kid lives a full live!

He loves "Yayoke" (yogurt) everyone in our house calls it that now, peanut butter and sandwich, and cereal. He will often ask for "a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, and a lot."  As long as you tell him you gave him that much, regardless of the actual amount, he's good.

Had one blanket that he had to sleep with every night, the quilt I made him.  But since potty training, wet underwear equals wet blanket, he's broaden his scopes and now has about 5 blankets given to him as a baby that he will accept.

Always has to be in the picture with anyone else!

We started potty-training a month before his birthday.  I might do a post just on this topic, so until then.  Know that it was rough and this kid is strong willed.  If he doesn't see the benefit of it, he won't do it. period.

Even though he can communicate really well, he still goes into gibberish occasionally; most often when he talks to the babies.  Here he is "lecturing" the twins about something or other, it happens quite a bit.

He loves to play "rolly rolly sanwich" which we are told he invented.  You twirl around saying, "rolly rolly sanwich" until you fall down and say, "I'm toast".

If you ask him what song he wants to sing he'll say, Silent Night or Happy are we...  But he does do an awfully cute rendition of:  Follow the Prophet, Did You Think to Pray, Snowman, Give said the Little Stream, Skinamarinka Dinka Dink, and really a lot more songs that I don't know he knows until he starts singing like, "Whataya Want from Me."

We LOVE Christopher!  Even though he's not the easiest child by a long shot, man do we love him and think he is one of the cutest things alive! He can make us smile and laugh more than just about anyone else.

Double Cute

 I've said it once and I'll say it again; these boys are adorable, but together their cuteness amplifies off the scale!