Getting There

Me at 31 weeks.  Yes I know I seem to have gained everything in my face, 

but I'm having twins I can have a fat face right?

I am 34 weeks, the baby's are both head down and are 5 lbs 3 oz and 5 lbs, at 32 weeks!  Things are looking well for us.  The best part is I feel good physically, well as good as I can for carrying 10 and a half pounds of baby in me.  I only have 2 to 4 weeks left until I get to meet these boys and start the adventure of having 4 boys under 4.  I'm guessing they'll come the week of Steven's birthday which is in 3 weeks, really not that far away.  My first goal is going to Jenny's, Jacob's only sister, wedding in a week, then it's one more week and they won't stop me from going into labor.  Folks, it's getting here!

Some of you might be wondering how I'm doing emotionally.  Honestly?  Pretty good most of the time.  Once in a while, when my guard is down, I'm tired or hungry, and life is a bit too stressful, I fall apart.  I'm not sure how I'll get through it.  But then again, I know I will.  I know these twins will be good for our family, and we'll wonder what we ever did without them.  But I remember all too well the hardships of having a newborn and then adding another scares me.  Not to mention the fear that I have of this hindering Steven and Christopher's growth.  I tell Jacob that's why they are so smart, so I won't have to worry constantly that I've ruined their lives forever and hindered their chance of being everything I want them to be.

Which leads me to asking everyone something.  If you know someone or are talking to them about something that you think seems impossible for them to handle, don't be anything but positive.  They know it's going to be tough, they need to know they can get through it.  So many times people will say things, little things, like "What are you going to do when these twins come?"  Then when I reply with something like, "Have a whole lot of fun."  They make no comment or give me a look like I'm crazy.  I know I am crazy, but please don't make me feel like I'm less of a person.  It's hard to always come up to negative when you're trying to be positive, that's all I'm saying.

I honestly don't think about it that much.  I have a game plan.  In an ideal world, the twins will be amazing on a schedule of every 3 hours.  They will eat, I'll nurse both at the same time.  They will have awake time for 1/2 hour to an hour while the older boys and I will read or play with them.  Then they will go to sleep for an hour to an hour and a half, while I give the older boys one on one attention that will help them play independently while I feed the babies when they wake up.  Is that a long stretch?  Most likely.  But if I think of everything that goes wrong, I'm going to be depressed the rest of my life.  So I have my game plan and I'll work with mishaps when they come.  That's all I can do.  Deal with life one day at a time, and pray my guts out.  I read a woman's blog that said, she knew God wouldn't let her mess up her children.  He's too invested in them, He won't let me do something to mess them up as long as I seek His guidance throughout the day.

Other inspiration that I think will help me through it all?

Be still and know that I am God.  -Ps. 46:10

Recognize that my Father in Heaven has a plan for not only me but Jacob and my sweet boys.  He will not lead me a stray.  I just need to remain calm and let Him show me the way.

We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives.  We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us.  We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something.  We have to learn to be content with what are are.                 -Marjorie Pay Hinckley

I don't need to be anything but a mother to these boys: love them, feed them physically, emotionally, and spiritually, show them what a happy home and marriage looks like.  And if I can do that.  I've done pretty well it seems.  

So for the most part, I'm doing great.  I'll have another doctors appointment where he'll check my progress of labor on the 7th, another ultrasound on the 14th.  I'll keep you posted if I find out anything more.