Sick

I have felt so lazy lately, all I want to do it lay down and sleep or watch something. But I figure I have a good excuse, my body is trying to fight a cold, while nursing Steven, and making a home for our new baby. So I figure it's ok for me be extra lazy as my body tries to multitask!

Can I just say one thing? This time, I've seen the symptoms of pregnancy way earlier! I've felt morning sickness earlier and all day as matter of fact. I'm already getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. That's my favorite. And I'm showing more than I was at this time with Steven.

Speaking of Steven, he is getting so big! Each day, he surprises me with more of his personality and new tricks. He is a master at getting around the house, especially where he knows he's not suppose to go. But when I chase him, he laughs and really how can you be mad at that? He loves to pull himself up on anything and everything and throw anything on the ground that he can find. Steven also loves to go outside; Jacob was leaving after lunch the other day and had the door slightly open while he finished talking to me. Well Steven saw the chance and army crawled as fast as he little arms could take him to the door. Jacob brought him back to me, which he of course squirmed out of my lap and again headed for the door. This happened a couple of times before we just let him play right outside the door until Jacob left.

I can also tell he's trying to communicate with us more and more. He shakes his head more these days. I'm not sure if he knows that it means yes and no, but quite often he gets it right. This morning he also did a variation of the sign for "more" when I asked him if he wanted more applesauce. Seriously, with a boy as cute as him, how can we deprive the world of another adorable baby? Don't worry, Steven #2 will be released January 30, 2011.

Father's Day

I would like to take a moment and say something about my wonderful husband and the great father he is. Steven really does just adore Jacob. When Jacob opens the door to go to school, Steven will crawl and try and go with him. I pick him up and he reaches for Jacob, then cries when Jacob actually goes. I love it! One of the qualifications for a husband that I had since I was little was of course that he had to be great with kids. Once I saw Jacob with his niece and nephews and then later with my nieces and nephews, I knew Jacob had passed the test! And of course I wanted to marry someone just like my dad, and boy am I lucky to have done just that! Jacob is such a hard worker and would do anything for his family. He takes time from his schedule to play with Steven and help me out. Jacob is also quite the handy man, which I cannot say enough that I love! The other day he fixed our garbage situation in the kitchen, by attaching a garbage can to the cabinet door, so we can have a larger garbage can! Just one of the many things why this man is amazing!

Jacob is everything a dad should be to Steven. He can get Steven to laugh way more than I can, with swinging him around and putting him upside down, just like a dad should. Jacob is also so gentle with Steven and will often want to hold and comfort him when he's fell down and is hurt. And like a good dad, he often takes Steven during church so I can pay attention. It's especially cute during primary to see Jacob having Steven do the actions to the songs.

I know these two are always going to be great friends! I love you Jacob, thank you for being such a great daddy to our son!

Last Night

Our normally sweet boy has started a not so sweet habit. Screeching. Shrieking. Screaming. What ever you call it, it's high and loud as if a 12-year-old girl is scared for her life! He closes his eyes and gives it everything he has. It's been going on for about a week and could happen anytime, if he's mad, having fun, or just bored. Until now we've been telling him no and touching his mouth with an occasional finger in the mouth to annoy him to stop. It hasn't worked. Last night we hit a wall.

Those who know my husband well, now that he is EXTREMELY sensitive to noise. He can often hear movies or music being played in the third apartment down. It's a gift. And a curse. Last night with every shrill scream Steven made, it made Jacob more and more anxious. Until we just couldn't take it anymore, something had to be done. We weren't our happy family anymore; we couldn't function like this! So Jacob looked it up on the all knowing internet; we found out Steven either had something seriously wrong with him or he's normal and will grow out of it soon.

Change of action was in order. We are now ignoring the horrible screams and praising his cute talking, we'd take even normal crying! Has it worked? Not really, I went to Winco today and what do you know the whole time he was screaming. No good. BUT somehow we've changed and can cope with it better. It's annoying yes, but we are not going out of our minds.

Which got me thinking. Isn't this just like life? We are going along so well, but then we come to a hurdle. It's hard for a while, but then we get to the point that we can no longer function. It seems all of the seams that make us up are coming unraveled and we're not sure if we can go on. You have your cry of frustration. Then magically everything looks brighter somehow. I love the way Heavenly Father molds us into who He knows we can be. He pushes us until we are about to break, then gives us a rest and lets us enjoy our life for a little bit until it's time for another growth spurt. I feel so blessed to know that I have a Heavenly Father who is there to take care of me and has promised me that I won't be given anything I can't handle. Even when I feel there is NO way to go on, my loving Heavenly Father takes me by the hand and gives me the extra energy, sanity, and emotional strength to go on. I love it! How wonderful is life! ...I can say this because Steven is asleep and not screaming. But really it's so great to know that even though it's hard now, it won't be forever. I just need to keep ignoring those screechings and someday they'll go away...hopefully sooner than later!

Balls Family Reunion

The first week of June all of my siblings and parents were able to get together at Aspen Grove. It's always so much fun to get together with everyone and relax. This reunion was especially great because Aspen Grove had activities for all of the kids, so the grownups were able to really relax and do the activities we normally wouldn't be able to do. I won't bore you with all the details but some of our fun included: Swimming, wall ball, tennis, basketball, golf, racquetball, hiking, and my favorite was taking a pottery class where we made our own bowls. It was great, first the girls took a class then the boys dabbed their talents in pottery throwing. It was so great; I'm still trying to recover on my housework. Why does it take so long to get things back to normal? Here are some pictures.

Love

Steven and I went for a walk last night and it was wonderful. You know that temperature that's pleasantly warm with a light breeze. I love it! I love our walking path around the streets of Historic Provo. I like to image I'm walking down the street where Father of the Bride takes place, you know what I'm talking about...my dream is to live on a street like that. I love the trees giving me shade on the side walk. I love the smell of freshly cut grass and flowers. I love how Steven sticks his hand of the stroller like someone would out of the window of a moving car. I love listening to the CD my husband made me all about how much he loves me and how we'll grow old together. Love it all. It's funny how some moments make you step out of your regular schedules and allow you to just truly enjoy life. Yes, I'm in love with my life.

I've Been Thinking

My weight has had me worried and depressed for about 12 months now. It all started when we moved to North Salt Lake when I was pregnant with Steven. I didn't have a job, it was in the summer and all I wanted to do was sit and eat. And so I did. I used the excuse far too many times, "Jacob, the baby NEEDS those donuts." My pregnancy weight gain went from normal to wow I never thought I'd ever see those numbers. EVER! But I thought, it's ok once the baby comes the pounds will shed. No big deal. Yes, big deal. I would make goals for myself like I want to be normal by Thanksgiving...Christmas...my birthday...Jacob's birthday...each time would fail.

Steven is now 9 months and I've talked with friends and family members that said it took them 9 months to be back to normal. So I thought great, wait until then and I'll be back to normal. Well I'm not. I'm still about 15 pounds away...frustrating. Now I know that it's my fault for not exercising as well and eating anything and anytime I wanted while pregnant. But I can't go into the past and change it, though I wish I could. I can just use this knowledge with my pregnancies to come.

Then I started really thinking, now this might be a way for me to justify that I still am not back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But really I'm tired of not being happy with myself physically. I know it's always hard for Jacob to hear me say that, and I think it's time for me to stop defining myself by my weight. I'm more than what the scale says. So here is my new way of thinking, in case this sounds familiar to anyone else.

1. Yes, my body is not the same after I've had Steven. But really it's a sacrifice I've made to bring this adorable boy in this world. There is a time when I can worry about my self-image, but that self-image shouldn't conflict with my happiness in raising this little boy. I would do it again and again to bring the same result. It's my duty and love as a mother that brings those love handles around my waist.

2. I have lost a lot of weight already. Instead of thinking of those 15 pounds I still have to loose, I should instead think of the 45 I've already lost. (Yes, I told you I gained a lot!) That's a great accomplishment! Then make bigger changes to help in loosing those next pounds. For example, we are only eating treats one day a week now, and exercising every day, even if it's just a walk with Steven. I'm hoping these together will help tackle those last stubborn pounds.

3. Last and most importantly, remember that I have a Father in Heaven who gave me this body. Yes, I'm sure He thought to Himself, "Cassanda stop eating all of those, you'll regret it later!" But He still loves me and wants me to be happy. He gave me this body to do good with, not think badly about when it doesn't shed the pounds as fast I think it should. So with this body I will do good. I will exercise, eat more healthy, and take care of my handsome husband and adorable boy. I will not concentrate so much on my outward appearance and more on my inward. Let my light shine forth that they may see my good works and glorify my Father which is in Heaven. That is what this life is really all about anyway right? Helping each other return to our Father. I can do that so much better when I'm not focused on my body and more focused on how I can help and left others.

Updates

I know it's sad how long it's been since I've last posted, but here are some updates.

Steven:
Is officially army crawling. I can't believe how my little boy is growing up! I love him to death; I'm really so proud of him. It doesn't matter to me when he really starts crawling, I'm just glad he is doing something when he seeing something he wants rather than just either crying for it or not caring for anything enough to go get it. (I know probably not the best formulated sentence, but you get the drift)

Only gained 1 oz over the past 3 months, but is making up for it now by eating non stop if I'd let him. I'm scared for when he becomes a teenager! His new favorite is yogurt, any flavor.

Loves playing with his cousins that are so close now.

Still sleeping in the craziest positions

Loves to swing, it's a good thing there is a park a couple of blocks from our house. I can't wait till he's a little bigger and can enjoy the whole park!

Is starting to giggle more often especially when Jacob or I start laughing at him.

Favorite activity is sitting on daddy's shoulders while he walks around.

Jacob and Cassanda


Jacob started graduate school, still just doing research to find a good thesis topic. But still enjoying what he reads. He's started a new blog to document his progress and update everyone on how to help out the cause of developing the developing world.

Getting used to living in Provo. I'm still trying to get around everywhere, and Jacob's trying to get used to living where he grew up. We do love being so close to so much family!

Jacob starting to train to defend his title as fastest walker at the Soda Springs July 4th 5K. We're about 3 weeks into a program called "couch to 5K". Jacob seems to really like it, I on the other hand dread it. But I do admit I like that I'm not out of breath running short distances now. (Yes, I was/am really out of shape)

Were just called to be the sunbeam teachers in our new ward. I am certain we'll love it, the kids are so adorable!

Have everything put away and organized finally. Now I can get back to doing projects while Steven is asleep. Our top favorite things with this new apartment are: washer/dryer IN our apartment, an actual freezer and fridge (right now it's filled with strawberries, strawberry jam, chicken, hamburger, frozen fruits and veggies, and of course ice-cream. In our old freezer we MIGHT have piled just one of those items in!), Extra storage so Steven doesn't have to share his room with lots of storage boxes, central air conditioning, and a great location near BYU and the Provo library!

We really do love it here. I have a feeling I'm going to learn so much from living here that will make me a better wife, mother, and friend. I can't wait to enjoy every moment here!